I.
I was writing an email earlier and started describing this novel I'm listening to on the CD, when it occurred to me that I should just put my impressions on Goodreads, where my correspondent would still see them, and I wouldn't have to go to the trouble of re-keying my opinion every time I wanted to tell it to someone. It then occurred to me: why not continue the fragmentation of subject-specific social media sites to the point of utter absurdity? For instance (and I'm sure these URLs are already taken, but obviously for the wrong reasons):
I was writing an email earlier and started describing this novel I'm listening to on the CD, when it occurred to me that I should just put my impressions on Goodreads, where my correspondent would still see them, and I wouldn't have to go to the trouble of re-keying my opinion every time I wanted to tell it to someone. It then occurred to me: why not continue the fragmentation of subject-specific social media sites to the point of utter absurdity? For instance (and I'm sure these URLs are already taken, but obviously for the wrong reasons):
| If you want to… | then visit… | and… |
| tell someone what you’re doing | twitter.com | update your status for your followers. |
| recommend a moving book | goodreads.com | apply five stars to your latest read. |
| seek sympathy during your kids’ illnesses | snottovoce.com | update the phlegm volume monitor and color chart. |
| describe an argument with your S.O. | bicker.net | create a graph of how many times that jerk said "you're pronouncing it wrong." |
| proclaim allegience to your local professional sports franchise | fansonly.com | log in to your home field and place a fanpoints wager on the big game. |
| discuss the way you feel when you see your child succeed at something new | boasteez.com | use the big hammer to hit the pride bell, which causes ring.wav to launch on your followers’ pages. |
| let your professional connections know about your latest project | linkedin.com | complete the “What are you working on?” field. |
| note that you’ve found a weird bruise on your leg, but can’t remember bumping it on anything | contusia.org | build-a-bruise™ using a color palette in yellows, purples and browns while your friends rate your injury with up to five(!) ice-packs. |
| extend this joke any farther | the comments link | do it there. |
II.
Can we please stop screeching "Woooooo?" It's embarrassing. I recommend that "Woooo" be replaced with a simple humming sound. How majestic that would be as it swelled over the crowd at the parade, sports event, or concert.
How old I must be.
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